I wrote this a while ago, but it remains pertinent today as many of us are impacted by politics, violence viewed, and grief experienced.  We face challenges to what we have thought was a solid concept but may see now as a never ending wave of anxiety and depression with no certainty of ending. We can only hope our life’s endeavors make a positive difference.

I’ve often wondered if people were to look back on their lives, how they went through the day, how they treated others who they came into contact with –  those questions asked, answered, wondered about, etc, would it be as a positive or negative influence on others in their world? Do I need to make a difference?  Or do I need to maintain and adjust to the world around me?  Am I a square peg in a round hole, or do I fit with what I do and identify with? I don’t know!  But I do think about these questions and wonder if it is a sign of age or a thought process that comes with realizing wanting and needing are totally different.

And what of those big choices – is it ever decided which is the right path to live a life?  Do I reach out to a different interest area group to discover if I want to go further, or do I stay in my comfort zone? Choices are hard.  The concern we are treading into the unknown is scary but the option may make life so much better, adding to a life of great enjoyment.

Do we want to make a difference in the world, influence others? Or, follow and let others pave the way.  It takes ‘guts’, that unexpected feeling of fear mixed with delight in exploring the new next step, to move from the steady stream that is our life path. Do we have the courage or desire to change, will it be different and better, or a disaster?

These are really, really tough questions.  The past memories of our lives, how we remember them, the emotions we felt, the choices we made, this is how we are made, seen by others.  Is it enough?

What I want, when I look back is a feeling that I did well.